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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!