Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.