Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar