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My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.