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How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.