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3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.