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Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment