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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
No, I do not want to talk about how I got all these scratches. On a completely unrelated note; If you`ve ever wondered how many squirrels fit in a pillowcase,,,.. it’s 9.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.