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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?