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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
real eyes realize real lies
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?