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I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned