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I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media