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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..