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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.