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Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
is available for rebound sex.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
It`s my birthday. Iām not just a year older, Iām also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily Iām just unpopular.