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Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.