Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."