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I like the part of the day when food happens.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell