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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
Valentines day
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.