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Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.