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I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!