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Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.