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Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
An empty fridge is a sad fridge.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.