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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
Dear Santa, I was framed!
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"