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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
he who laughs last thinks slow
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.