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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?