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I just called. To say. I texted you.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.