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I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.