Daily Silly Status

I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...

Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor

“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.

Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.

I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.

Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.

Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.

Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!

Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................

I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.

Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.

Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.

You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )

Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav