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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.