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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"