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My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!