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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|