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Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.