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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.