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You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
never tell a lie...unless it is true
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.