Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!