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I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.