Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".