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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
My IQ? ... With google or without?
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.