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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.