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I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?