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I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.