Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!