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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."