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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!