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If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"