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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.