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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Is it so much to ask that everyone who ever wronged me be forced to leave the country and change their identity?
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-