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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.