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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.