Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.