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It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.