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Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.