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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.