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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face