Daily Silly Status

I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.

I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.

Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.

I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.

I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?

Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.

If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.

Smile. Your enemies hate it.

Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.

I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.

Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?

To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!