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So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
We get it poets: things are like other things
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Line forms here for spankings
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.