Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
This headache feels like dumb people
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.