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When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.