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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.