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Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.