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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.