Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
If the shoe fits, buy it.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?