Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!