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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
he who laughs last thinks slow
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.