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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.