Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I’ll be like, “oh no, that can’t be right.”
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.