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More food should come with prizes inside it.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".