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I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Save water- shower with me!
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.