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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?