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Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.