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The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.