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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D