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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Your personality needs alcohol.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
It should really be called teethpaste.