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If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.