Daily Silly Status

Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"

Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?

I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.

You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.

If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors

Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™

havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on

"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards

I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.

"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.

Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .

My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.

I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.

I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."

I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.