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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich