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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally